 One of the darkest periods of my life came in the middle of a huge
transition on a number of fronts. I was in the middle of a move from
one job to another. The job move required a physical move of several
hundred kilometers. As the job transition began, several individuals
from the old job site expressed anger at my move, while several others
were just as quick to kick me in the pants (and the heart) on my way
out. At the same time, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer
and died in three weeks. The week of her death is a blur in my
memory. Friday: My mother enters hospital for the last time. Saturday:
She dies. Sunday:We pack the moving van. Monday: We move to the new
house, city, job location. Tuesday: Drive back to attend my mothers
wake. Wednesday: I officiate my mother's funeral. Thursday: Drive back
to the new home, begin the process of unpacking the boxes, getting
ready to start the new job. Whew!
Several weeks later, a friend of mine pointed out that out of the top
four or five most stressful things in life, I had experienced most of
them in a week: death of a close family member, leaving a job, starting
a new job, moving homes. Eeek! The only ones I missed were divorce
and personal health problems. He asked me how I got through it. As I
look back, I realize that the stress was bearable because of hope.
All that week, I could almost feel God's presence surrounding me. I
drew hope from His constant communication and reassurance to me. I felt
Him in the hospital room. I felt Him in the moving van. I felt Him in
the new house. I felt Him in the funeral home. I felt Him in the
hours of travel. I felt Him in the presence of friends and family.
Thank you God.
Hope is defined "to look forward with confidence". Through that whole
stressful week, I can say that because of God, I did look forward with
confidence. Even though I was losing so much, changing so much, God
let me know, beyond reason or understanding, that He was waiting for me
in the future just as much as He was present then.
During that whole time period of stress and loss and transition, I
can't say my reactions were always the best. I lost my temper with my
family a few times. I withdrew from people big time, afraid of more
pain. I became distrustful of some people (in a few cases with good
cause). I am still very sorry about all of that. Even though I made
some bad choices, God kept the flow of hope going to my soul. I knew,
just like I knew my own name, that the future was God-filled. This
knowledge, this special ministry of God in my life, didn't make all the
bad things go away, but it did give me strength to get through the bad
things.
Hope is a silver road beneath our feet that lights our way in the
darkest moments, and gives strength and form to the journey. My hope is
based on a relationship with God. God is perfect and wonderful; the
Bible uses the term "holy". It means set apart. I'm the thing that God
is set apart from. I am not perfect and wonderful, I am flawed and
ugly and anything but wonderful. The Bible uses the term "sinful". It
means to have a life filled with missing the mark. That's me. If it
wasn't for Jesus- God in the flesh- coming to earth to live and teach
and die and live again, I would have no chance at a relationship with
God; no chance at hope. Through Jesus, I can know God. Through Jesus,
my sin is forgiven, set aside. Through Jesus I can have a shot at hope.
In dark days of loss, grief, anger and even sin, I choose hope. I
choose Jesus. I choose God. I will look forward with confidence.
Heck, I will go forward with confidence. Despite setbacks, despite
loss, despite the unkindness of strangers or the anger of friends, I
will not lose hope. It's God in emotional form. It's a choice. It's
faith. It's hope.
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