 I once knew a family that had a very strict code of forgiveness. They
treated the "sins" of family members radically different than the "sins"
of non-family members. If a brother or sister were to offend another,
the subsequent argument would be loud and violent, but afterward, all
was resolved and set aside. If a non-family member offended one of the
family, then the whole family would take offence, followed by gossip,
slander, the cold shoulder, and even damage to property. They had a
friend or feud mentality. If you were not family, you were either a
friend or an enemy; there was nothing in between. Their attitudes and
behaviours were terribly destructive to church community in the years I
knew them.
While that is an extreme example of unhealth in a
church community, more subtle viruses creep in to challenge the health
of a group of believers. I found out that the word community can be
traced back to the Latin term "gift of togetherness". What a great
definition! We all come to community with a bunch of expectations,
spoken and unspoken. Some come to faith community expecting people to
be surface nice and that's enough. Others want deep significant
relationships at every turn. Some just assume that community is a
dangerous place emotionally and relationally, so they keep their
distance. I think one of the viruses that can really hurt community is
the virus of expectations.
Think about it. If we all show
up to a community looking to make emotional and spiritual withdrawals
on our own terms, it won't be long until that community is bankrupt.
The usual complaint about churches is that 10% of the people do 90% of
the work. In that model, the 10% group better have a lot of resources
available, because the 90% want what they want.
So, are
you an investor in community? I'm not talking about money, I'm talking
about time and emotions and prayer. The myth of quality time is almost
dead in our society- and I say good. How can we expect to show up on
Sunday morning at our faith community and invest quality time for 75
minutes? We need to eat with people, we need to hear their problems, we
need to share our hurts and victories. We need to pray with and for
others. We need to laugh together. We need to show up in each other's
lives. The most significant time I have spent with people in community
has not happened on Sunday morning- shock! It happens over a coffee; it
happens around a supper table; it happens pouring over the Scriptures
together, searching for answers.
If community is to be
the "gift of togetherness", then we need to set aside our expectations
of "what I get out of community" and replace them with an expectation of
"what I will give to community". Every faith community needs your
emotionally present time- not just to be an ekklesia doulos, but
as an interested and caring investor. The gift of community is the gift
we bring, not the one we receive.
Community without
enough investors soon becomes sick. The signs and symptoms? Burnout in
the 10% group. Apathy. Complaints that "needs are not being met".
Christianity is about serving, not being served. It is about giving, not
getting. It is about the other, not self. Are you part of the gift of
togetherness, or have you caught the virus?
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